Your man is my man and her man too.

I’ve seen the steamy novella side of office romances that'll leave you biting your bottom lip to find out what happens next. And the other side of office love affairs that leaves people standing in front of a judge.

Sexual harassment lawsuits are a gloves-off type of fight, and believe me - lawyers don’t fight fair. If things go sour with your lover at work, your personal life will be scrutinized and turned into a nuclear weapon formed against you.

Despite the negative connotation, having a work wife or work husband isn’t about cheating and doesn’t lead to affairs. Unlike the title, they aren’t workplace romances — they’re boundaried connections built on the confines of proximity and office politics.

A work spouse isn’t your office bestie who you love to gossip with. It’s a safe place with the opposite sex to chat about the company you both dedicate 8 hours of your life to. They’re someone who just “gets it.” Your friends outside of work don’t know who Jenny in the sales department is, but we do - and we both think she’s a twat.

A Forbes writer who’s only a Google search away, begs us all to stop talking about work spouses, and says that in light of the #MeToo movement - many men are nervous about establishing friendship with women in fear of coming off of as a creeper.

Yeah. Okay.

Right about now is where I put on my “bad guy” hat.

I’m a 30-something year old millennial in 2022, and someone’s husband has called me several times late at night, while she was away, and vented about work. I know we’re living in the age of 'woe it’s me’, but whether you choose to talk about it or not, we’re human beings and innocent work spouse interactions are still a very real thing.

50% of employees admitted to being attracted to their work spouse according to a survey by SHRM. And while you may not always encounter this type of relationship at your job, It’s essential to know how to facilitate this companionship to avoid causing unnecessary havoc in your personal & professional life.

Here are a few tips to consider:

1. Keep firm boundaries  —   There are 7 main types of boundaries to consider: emotional, physical, time, spiritual, financial, sexual, and non-negotiable. These boundaries are not just an act of self-love, but an act of love and respect for another person as well. These boundaries can mean something different to each person. While I didn’t mind my colleague calling me after hours to vent, you may not want to allow calls after 9pm and that’s fine. A work spouse relationship shouldn’t even be considered unless you have boundaries that you’re firm and passionate about.
   
   
2. Stay focused on your work responsibilities —   It’s important to note that your loyalty is due to yourself and your wallet, not to this individual. You were hired to do a job; so get the job done first. Your quality time with your workplace spouse comes after, and never before.
   
   
3. Practice self awareness — Learn who you are and what you value - and stay true to that. If you know you have issues with self-control and willpower, reconsider whether having this type of relationship is best for you. If you aren’t sure, talk to a therapist. And In this day and age - therapy is always the answer.

This professional camaraderie can eventually turn into a lifelong friendship with the proper boundaries set in place. You’re also seven times more lively to be more engaged in your work when you have a friend there, even if this friends is of the opposite sex. And while I don’t doubt the possibility that two singles can find a romantic partner where they work, a work spouse is not a self-fulfilling prophecy, but a way to say:

Dear wife at home,

Dear boyfriend,

Dear They/Them or who ever cares,

Your partner is well-respected and does a great job at bringing our team together — I genuinely have a great time working with them.

And an even better time talking shit with them. Without their energy and support, I would’ve left this company a long time ago.